like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
