Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
