shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
