I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
