if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
