God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The feeling are messing with the penis
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
