So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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