i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
