You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
