like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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