Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
