Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
