Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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