Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Randomize
