I accidentally burped into my bong.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
