She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
