The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
