Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
