im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Randomize
