i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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