you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
