I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
