my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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