If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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