When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
