Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
