I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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