Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
