Don't make out with my wife yet
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
