So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
