If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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