I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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