I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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