she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
