He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
