How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
