i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it's like iHOP with fire
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
