This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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