life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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