absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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