the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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