This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
