i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
