Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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