i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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