I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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