Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
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Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
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Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.