apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone