SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
