Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
