I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.