my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?