wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
