im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
