I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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