Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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