I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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