All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
