we're chasing vodka with high fives
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
