some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
