either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
