I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
