the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
