VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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