2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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