Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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