Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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