He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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