A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
