I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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