we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
They have beer where we have blood.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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