I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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