I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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