If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
