My brain says no but my pants say off.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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