My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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