some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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