If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
