worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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