After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
