I wish my penis had an off switch
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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